It's A Wonderful Ed
by caramelancholic
Summary: This is basically a story exploring something that I (and probably many other fans) have thought about before. What would life be like without Eddy? This is my first fanfic and I have not written in probably 4 years (basically since I was in school) please leave any constructive criticism, editing notes, etc. in the comments. I appreciate your feedback.
1. Chapter 1

Kevin was furious. Yet again his baby, his pride and joy, his dear bike was utterly, mercilessly destroyed as a result of one of the Eds' scams. The bike chain was shattered to bits, the handlebars and wheels were mangled and unrecognizable; what was once a bike was now reduced to a piece of abstract art. Kevin glared at Eddy and his cohorts, successfully instilling a sense of dread into their cores as they stood frozen in place, he then proceeded to pulverize them (as was usual for him). The beating took no longer than a few minutes and while it did not bring his bike back, it did, however, make him feel just a little bit better. It was starting to get dark out so Kevin headed home leaving the Eds in an incapacitated pile of bruises and teeth. "Later, _dorks_!"

Upon seeing Kevin's glum face as he lackadaisically poked at his spaghetti (a favorite dish of his), Kevin's mom inquired "how was your day, pumpkin?" with a sympathetic sweetness to her voice. "Boring..." he said with a side glance. She could tell he was lying. "Now that can't be true..." she said with a continued sweetness. "...There must have been something exciting happen today. I know that Rolf boy you hang out with is quite the character and that Nazz is always up to something...cool." she said with some uncertainty. "I...just don't want to talk about it" he muttered dejectedly. Dinner continued with little to no conversation as Kevin tried to eat the spaghetti his mother had lovingly prepared for him to no avail. He then went upstairs to his bed all the while wishing the events of today hadn't transpired. The cause of his despair? The Eds. _  
_

He thought to himself, _none of this would've happened if Eddy and his friends weren't constantly trying to scam us._ He had always thought of the Eds as a single entity who did everything together. But the more he thought about it, he came to realize that they really weren't. He then thought about what it would be like if one of the group was missing from the equation. This was really not something he would think about. Ever. But for some reason the thought just latched on and he decided to _entertain_ it, so to speak. _Okay let's start with double dweeb. He builds all those...things._ Those "things" being the cantankerous contraptions that were so volatile and unpredictable. _Without him, the scams would never even work in the first place!_ But then it occurred to him that Double D would only build those things because Eddy told him to and really wasn't all that bad- despite being a total weenie, a stick in the mud, and a snitch. Eddy and Ed were trying to scam people even before he came into the picture, anyway. So what difference would it have made? _Okay, how about Ed?_ He thought to himself. Surely if the most destructive member of the group was out of the picture, things wouldn't get nearly as out of hand. Though that was true, it didn't change the fact that Eddy and Double D would probably still try to scam people, they just wouldn't have the muscle element. That brought Kevin full circle back to **Eddy**. Eddy. Ugh. The name itself made him cringe. That attention seeking narcissist was always trying to steal the spotlight from him whenever he was doing something cool to impress the neighborhood kids. He was always after everyone's allowance and his voice was _so_ annoying. Certainly, The Eds would be very different if Eddy wasn't around...

Kevin smiled. A world without Eddy? The idea of it sounded too good to be true. No more scams, no more competition for the spotlight, and no more "Eds". Or at least no more of the "Eds" he came to know and despise. The thought of "a world without Eddy" calmed Kevin's racing mind as he began to drift off. "I wish it _were_ true..." he mumbled before falling into a deep REM sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin woke up to his alarm clock radio playing More Than a Feeling by Boston. Nice. Kevin was never disappointed with Peachcreek's sole classic rock radio station THE TREE. The name didn't sound particularly cool, but who was the captain of the Peachcreek cobblers to complain. Kevin woke up with plenty of time to lift some weights and tinker with his bike before he ate breakfast and went to school. His BIKE! The thought just came to him. Wasn't his bike destroyed? Also, School? Wasn't it still July? Much to his surprise, he looked out the window to see the trees clad in the vibrant colors of autumn as the sun was just barely coming over the horizon. Kevin then looked over to his left and saw his bike in the pristine condition he always kept it in. Five seconds ago, he was worried about something. But, what was it and why? Kevin just abandoned the thought and began lifting the twenty pound dumbells he kept in his room. He was only thirteen but he decided to start weightlifting at twelve because he wanted to be real buff when he got into high school. The thought of moving up to to higher weights and more reps was exciting to him and he was very satisfied with the progress he was making. _Ha! I bet Double Dweeb couldn't even lift anything heavier than a pencil_ he mused. _Wait. Why am I thinking of_ _that d_ _ork first thing in the morning? Whatever..._

There wasn't much Kevin could really do to his bike in terms of modification or maintenance so he just got ready for school and went down to the kitchen to be greeted by the delicious smell of waffles topped with peach confiture, powdered sugar and whipped cream. Delicious.

"Good morning, honey!" his mother called from the kitchen "You're up early," she added as he sat down and she set a plate of fresh waffles in front of him. Kevin's father looked up from his newspaper to give his son a succinct "good morning" and went back to his morning reading. Kevin's father was a man of few words, but was a very loving father when it came down to it. Rather than words, it was jawbreakers he used to express love for his son. Kevin began to consume the gastronomic wonder before him when his mother attempted to initiate conversation:

"So, did you hear about that poor Eddward's mother?" she said with some concern.

"Which Ed...?" Kevin said with a mouth full of waffles.

"Not Ed, Eddward! The kid who lives right across the street from us?"

"It's really more catty-corner to us..." Kevin's dad added quietly, not looking up from his paper.

"Oh, whatever" she retorted "well anyway," she continued "she's having a bit of a dilemma right now. Apparently she's considering putting Eddward into homeschooling because he's not doing so well in school-"

"that dweeb? Not doing well in school? How's that even possible?" Kevin interjected with a mouth full of food.

Kevin's mom glared at him disapprovingly but instead of going on a tangent about talking with your mouth full or calling people dweebs, she continued her story.

"He's not doing well _socially._ His grades are _amazing_ from what I've heard. Apparently it's possible to get a 5.0 GPA? I dunno how that kid does it. He's in middle school and the kid's already into some pretty advanced stuff..." Eveline had found herself going on a tangent and stopped herself there. "Meredith told me that if she does decide to homeschool him, it'll be really hard for her to balance that and her career. But it might be necessary if he doesn't start making some friends and stop being so shy! In my opinion, she shouldn't even consider homeschooling because I think that will make it even worse!" she proclaimed. "but, that's just my opinion..." she added dejectedly.

"Wow, that's some real heavy stuff" Kevin mumbled, feigning interest.

"That brings me to my final point." she began. "Kevin, honey, will you be Eddward's friend?" she sweetly suggested.

"What?"

"Be his friend"

"I heard you, but like..."

"Be. His. Friend." she asserted with grave finality. She looked at Kevin with a smile that sent a shiver down his spine.

"You better do it, Kev..." came a voice from behind the morning paper.

"...Okay." He did not want to find out what would happen if he didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

With his breakfast consumed and his school supplies gathered, Kevin grabbed his bike and began to traverse to school. In the horizon he saw a familiar figure up ahead. 

"Hey, double dork!" he called out of habit.

The figure looked startled as he turned around to look at the cyclist with widened eyes. Kevin pulled up to him to initiate conversation, taking into account what his mother said.

"So...uh...how's it hangin', Double D?"

The youth flinched, avoiding eye contact with this uncouth person who was trying to engage him.

"Uh, Double D?"

Eddward rapidly looked around as if contemplating possible escape routes. He looked uncomfortable. He began to sweat profusely. He then flashed a nervous, toothy smile and darted behind his neighbor's house. He decided the best course of action was to just take an alternate route to school.

 _What just happened?_ Kevin was seriously confused. Not only was this one-sided interaction extremely awkward, but Double D was a seriously fast runner, much to his surprise.

Upon arriving to school, Kevin saw his friends, Rolf and Nazz hanging out by the steps. They were in a one sided conversation about rutabagas. Nazz caught sight of Kevin and used this as an excuse to cut the exchange short.

"Hey, look, it's Kevin!" she exclaimed. "'Sup, Kevin!"

"Hello, Kevin. Rolf is delighted to see his sporty friend, yes?"

"'Sup guys" he chimed in distractedly.

"Kevin seems troubled" Rolf posited "would he like to discuss with Rolf and Nazz?" he asked.

"Nah. It's nothing really. Just thinkin' about...stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Nazz inquired.

After some deliberation, Kevin decided to divulge in the most vague way possible.  
"It's just my mom asked me to do something, but I don't really know if I can, you know..."

"Yes, Rolf knows of this very well. Rolf used to think it impossible to file away Nana's bunions, but Rolf has been doing since age of seven." Rolf volunteered. "They are still there, but it's no reason for Rolf to give up." he concluded.

"...I guess you could say it's something like that..." Kevin chuckled.

Just then the bell rang and the doors of Peachcreek Middleschool welcomed an influx of youths from the courtyard. The trio began their ascent up the stairs leading to the entance of their alma mater while a familiar boy with a slight build followed a few paces back, hoping not to be seen.


	4. Chapter 4

Alright gang, here is the latest installment of It's a Wonderful Ed. It's hella long and I considered breaking it into smaller chapters, but decided against it. You are all amazing (all three of you: you know who you are). And I look forward to your feedback.

* * *

Eventually, Kevin stopped thinking about his awkward interaction with Eddward. A few days had passed since then and Kevin had made no further attempts to befriend him. Life continued at a humdrum pace and nothing particularly eventful happened. Kevin maintained a C average in all of his classes, went to football practice, hung out with friends, ate, slept, and watched TV. Everyday was the same and Kevin began to notice how irrefutably boring everything was, but there was not much he could do about it.

There was also the issue of the strange dreams he'd been having every night, the contents of which he would forget within a few minutes of waking up. However, they were unsettling in that every morning he woke up from them, he felt considerably emptier and emptier. It was as if something was...missing or out of place somehow. Kevin, however, could not put his finger on it. He decided not to think about it.

A few weeks later, this crushing feeling began to catch up to him. His grades began to slip from his usual Cs to Ds and even Fs, his athletic performance was lackluster at best, hanging out with friends was just a way to kill time, and TV started to really suck. The strange dreams continued and became even more vivid. It was as if Kevin's subconscious had tacit knowledge of something that his cognizant self was unable to grasp.

Eveline began to notice this sudden change in her son's behavior and decided to take some action. She resolved to address this in her weekly chat with Meredith while their sons were at school. This chat occurred every Thursday afternoon at either household and would be accompanied by whatever refreshments the hostess happened to prepare for the occasion. Last week, it was crêpes and cherry preserves with powdered sugar and coffee at Eveline's house. The week before that it was hummus and pita chips with cucumber infused water at Meredith's. Of course, this week, it was Meredith's turn to make refreshments, which Eveline wasn't particularly excited about, but she would be doing more talking than eating anyway.

* * *

"So, how is Eddward these days?" Eveline inquired.

"There hasn't been any improvement. He's still having anxiety attacks and he barely talks to anyone, with the exception of Mildred-"

"Who's Mildred?" Eveline interjected.

"It's one of the spiders in our basement. Eddward charts their growth and checks up on them periodically. I've come to accept this as one of his many idiosyncrasies." Meredith confessed.

"Interesting..." Eveline was at a loss for words.

"Well, enough about Eddward. How's Kevin doing?"

"He's...not doing so well either actually. His grades are starting to slip and he's started to become a little less social..." she divulged. "Which brings me to a favor I'd like to ask of you" she smiled.

* * *

Kevin came home from football practice with no intention of doing his homework which had built up from a few days of neglect. On his way to the living room to watch some TV, he felt a sudden tug on his shirt collar. He looked up to see Eveline looking at her son disapprovingly.

"Mom, what gives?" Kevin retorted.

"You've been neglecting your schoolwork for far too long mister!" she chided. "I've arranged a tutor for you and your session starts soon."

"But, mom..." he groaned.

"But, nothing! Now you march your butt over to Eddward's house or you're grounded."

"Wait, Edd's going to tutor me?" Kevin asked with widened eyes.

"Yes, he is." Eveline lilted.

After a moment of weighing his options, Kevin decided that his best choice was to just go to his house and get it over with.

"Okay, I'll go..." he conceded.

Eveline watched from the doorway as Kevin sauntered from their house to Eddward's. He repeatedly looked back and was met with gestures to turn back around and keep going. After a lot of coaxing, Kevin arrived at Eddward's abode and hesitantly pressed the doorbell. He stood at the front door for a while before it opened and a meek voice invited him inside.

"Please remove your shoes" the same voice asked as he stepped over the threshold. He complied. "To your left, there is a pair of slippers specifically for you to wear while you are in this house." Kevin looked to his left to see a pair of bunny slippers sitting by the door.

"No way am I wearing those things, dweeb!" he protested.

"I'll call your mother." Eddward threatened.

"Okay, okay. I'll do it..." he agreed. He blushed as he slipped the fatuous footwear on his feet.

They stood there for a moment, both of them slightly uncomfortable. Kevin thought it best to break the silence.

"So, you're tutoring me?" Kevin faltered.

"Yes, I got the post-it note informing me of this upon my arrival home."

Kevin surveyed his surroundings. The walls and floor ranged from light blue to purple in a very cool color scheme and everything was precisely where it was supposed to be. There wasn't a speck of dust, nor crooked couch cushion, or really any indication that anyone lived there. It was somewhat unsettling to him.

"Would you like some sort of refreshment?" Eddward asked tentatively.

"That would be nice..." Kevin was still observing his surroundings with uncertainty.

It was when the awkward duo walked into the kitchen that Kevin saw them. The post-it notes. The sight brought to mind an image of monarch butterflies in Mexico that he had seen while skimming through a nature magazine.

"Woah..." he whispered mostly to himself.

"Oh, those?" Eddward had noticed Kevin's reaction. "Those are what mother and father use to communicate with me."

"They sure have a lot to say."

"Yeah, I guess so." Eddward chuckled. He felt slightly less uncomfortable. "So what would you like? We have pita chips with a choice of hummus and/or spinach artichoke dip, crudités with the aforementioned dips, some leftover quiche, and kale salad. To drink we have cucumber infused water, or perhaps some hot herbal tea?" Eddward recited in a way that reminded Kevin of a waiter at a fancy restaurant.

"I...have no idea what those things are...Do you have anything sweet?"

"We have some homemade mango sorbet in the freezer, but that's for-"

"Yeah, let's have that!" Kevin interjected.

"But, Kevin we'll spoil our dinners!"

"Psssh. Says who?"

"Says mother. She specifically forbade me from eating it until dessert." he contended.

"But...she didn't forbid _me_ from eating it." Kevin sneered

"But...technically...well, you're not _wrong_..."

Despite Eddward's protest, Kevin got his way and began to snack on some sorbet. It wasn't nearly as sweet as the ice cream at home, but it was still pretty good.

"Hey, dweeb. This is actually pretty good. You said it was homemade. Who made it?"

"I did."

"What? No way. You make food often?"

"...Yeah. I guess you could say it's a hobby of mine. It started out as a necessity and became something I enjoy. Tomorrow I can make some cookies if you like?"

"I'd like that. Wait, tomorrow?!"

"Yes, Kevin. Your mother arranged for me to tutor you every day after school as well as weekends." he informed. "Speaking of which, I think it's about time we get started. Go ahead and put the bowl in the sink and take out your books."

It started off rocky at first, but Kevin began to grasp mathematical concepts more easily as this young scholar described them with great clarity. Finding x, the hypotenuse, or the square root were so much easier than the teacher made them out to be. After about two hours, Eddward called a snack break and convinced Kevin to eat some of the pita chips with hummus and spinach artichoke dip. He preferred the spinach artichoke dip.

"Wow, man. I never thought I'd like anything with spinach in it."

"Yes, smothering things with cheese makes them absolutely delectable." Eddward giggled.

The boys finished off their pita chips and dip and it was now a little after six o'clock.

"Alright, Kevin. We have a little less than an hour and we've done all your assignments with the exception of your creative writing project."

"Oh, yeah. That thing... I guess you could say I'm feeling a little...uninspired at the moment..." he muttered.

"What's the prompt?"

"It's supposed to be about dreams."

" Nighttime visions or goals?"

"I don't really know. It was pretty vague."

"Okay, let's go for the latter then."

"I'd rather not write about those. A ladder fell on me once."

Eddward looked at Kevin and involuntarily face palmed. _Drop it. Just drop it._

"...So, what kind of dreams do you have, Kevin?" he inquired.

"Well, I don't really know. I forget about them right after I have them. All I know is that they're really weird."

"Like how weird? Surely, any path you choose is acceptable."

"Well, whenever I'm dreaming, it's like I'm in the same place. But every thing's different." he attempted. "Like, there's people who live there, but they don't live here. And in my dreams I'm just really annoyed all the time, but things seem more exciting somehow. It's just weird."

Eddward realized they weren't talking about the same thing, but was intrigued.

"I think I can understand."Eddward reassured. "I have dreams like that all the time."

"Really? Like, what happens in them?" Kevin implored.

"I have friends." Eddward admitted. "Two of them. And their names are variations of my own. I always figured these dreams were a manifestation of my own insecurities and anxiety, but the strange thing is; I've never seen either of them in my life."

Kevin looked confused.

"You see, the thing with dreams is, you can only see the faces of people you've seen in real life. Whether you've seen them once in passing or in your day to day life. I have an eidetic memory so if I've seen these individuals even once, I would have recalled it."

"I didn't know that. How do you remember your dreams so well?"

"In addition to the aforementioned eidetic memory, I also keep a dream journal. Maybe you should keep one. If you keep it by your bed and write in it immediately after waking up, it might help you remember your dreams."

"Really?"

"Yeah. In fact, I'll even give you a notebook you can use."

"Alright. Cool."

Eddward left the table and came back with a red spiral notebook.

"Just one of my extras. And see, it matches your hat."

"Thanks." Kevin smiled.

It was now 6:42pm.

"My parents are going to be home soon for dinner, so we should probably cut this short." Eddward informed. "Oh, dear! When was that creative writing project due?" he asked anxiously.

"It's due Monday. So we have Friday and the weekend to work on it. So don't sweat it, Double D."

Eddward's eyes widened and he stared at Kevin as though he had seen a ghost.

"What?"

"...Nobody calls me that. Well, nobody except the people in my dreams that is..." he recalled. "Kevin...?"

"...Yeah?"

"Tell me something. On the morning of September first at approximately 7:42am, why did you call me that? And why did you call me that just now?"

"Um...I don't really know. It just sort of happened I guess." he mumbled. "But also, wow, that was really specific. I forgot about that until now. How did you remember?"

"Eidetic memory...?" he reiterated. "But, it was also the first time you ever spoke to me and the night before was the first time I started having those dreams..."

There was a shared silence between them which was interrupted by the shuffle of Eddward's parents' arrival home.

"We'll pick this up tomorrow."


End file.
